Jess Clerke: What Most Women Don't Know About Confidence (& How We Can Discover it for Ourselves)

Grab your coffee or wine and turn the volume UP as we bring in the incomparable confidence coach, Jess Clerke of the Self(ish) Sisterhood and Self(ish) Confidence podcast.

In this conversation we:
-unravel stories that show the power of knowing oneself,
-discuss the joy of personal choices,
-talk about the importance of carving out spaces where women can flourish in their authenticity.

Jess's recount of her time in Barbados, a paradoxical moment of peak fitness amidst a sea of loneliness, offers a bold lesson on the true mettle of confidence—forged not by external validation, but through an unshakable sense of self.

We get into discussions around self-identity, stressing the significance of daily decisions and the impact they have on our inner narrative.

We champion the incremental strides women have made in history while acknowledging the continuous struggle to tear down societal constructs, embracing the complexity of finding empowerment in both the monumental and the mundane.

Jess, in her laid-back finesse, teases upcoming projects that beckon her listeners to engage further.

Our conversation is a testament to the collective journey of women—embracing leadership, cherishing independence, and nurturing a global community where each voice, firmly rooted in authenticity, can resonate powerfully.

Join us in this celebration of self-confidence as we lock arms to journey our way to the top!

Jess Clerke:
Website:  https://jessclerke.com/
Podcast: https://jessclerke.com/podcast/
Event: https://jessclerke.com/speak-up

Connect with Valerie:

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https://admin.stan.store/stores/?tab=details

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https://www.instagram.com/hey_valerie_lynn/

LinkedIn - Valerie Lynn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/valerie-lynn-5aa73b1b/

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:05

Hello, gorgeous, and welcome to the Women on Top podcast. I'm your host, valerie Lynn, and with over 15 years of business experience, I became truly passionate about finding ways to support and hear from way more women, and what we know to be true is that women thrive when they are in their favorite position on top. On top in business, in relationships, in personal growth and on top in being real and authentic to who the hell they are. So I invite you to sit back and enjoy the Women on Top podcast. Okay, so I have this wonderful guest. Well, first of all, welcome back to the show.

Speaker 1: 0:47

I have this amazing woman in front of me and when I met her officially in person a couple of months ago, her energy was just like beaming and she's funny, she's relatable, she is somebody who is very disarming in the best way, where you just feel like you can be totally yourself around her, and I love that.

Speaker 1: 1:09

She's somebody that I feel like. The way that she shows up online is exactly what you get in person, and I also just admire that so much because I find that sometimes challenging to do to just show all aspects of myself online. So I just love and adore her. I'm so grateful for her and I have with me today Jess and Jess Clark. Jess Clark is in charge of the Selfish Sisterhood and she also has the Selfish Confidence Podcast, which I love. I just love that you're focused on confidence and she just helps women really speak their truth in a dynamic way, in a really authentic kind of a different way, I feel like, where women just feel invited to be their whole selves. So I want to just say welcome to the show, jess. I'm so grateful you're here.

Speaker 2: 1:59

Thank you so much for having me. I'm like crying over here, like that's so kind, thank you.

Speaker 1: 2:05

Absolutely Like. I really do mean it. You know, there's certain people you meet and you just have a connection with them and you can't quite explain, and I feel like I'm not putting the right words to it, but I really just feel like that's the vibe that you bring in. It was like very evident in the room when people would just approach you and they wanted to connect with you, and it was because of how you are like, how you show up, and so, anyways, it's one of the the big, big reasons I invited you on and I can't wait to dive into more of your work and everything that you do.

Speaker 2: 2:35

Thank you, like, thank you so much, like, seriously, I'm so touched that you would see and think that highly of me and it just, yeah, it really means a lot. So, thank you, wish we were together so I could just like wrap you in a real big hug right now.

Speaker 1: 2:47

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 2:49

Well, I totally mean it, and I I feel like there's, you know, just different evolutions of how we work on ourself, and I'm sure we'll get into that with you today too.

Speaker 1: 2:58

But I feel like when we see that in others, it's also probably a reflection of some of the things that we've worked on ourselves. And I feel that for myself too is that when I see you, it reminds me of how I'm showing up differently today than I was years ago and I celebrate that in so many different ways and I'm excited to see what keeps unfolding, because I feel like this process and that'll be the first question about confidence is like this process to me feels like an unfolding and I just never feel like confidence. I used to think it was something I would just get to and arrive at, and I have challenged that thinking because I feel like I don't know that I'm ever going to like arrive at this fully confident version. So I'm curious if you can kind of talk about that Like what is confidence to you? How did you get here and how did you decide to do this, this kind of work with women?

Speaker 2: 3:47

It's so interesting that you say it like that too, because I think we always think it's like when I get this promotion, or when I meet my partner, when I get married, you know, when this, this, this, that's when I'll be confident. And it's just not the case. And I learned that when I was living away in Barbados with my husband. We were working on the airport runway. We I wasn't working on the airport runway, he was, he's in construction. You don't want me working with that. I was working on my own businesses online and it happened to overlap with the pandemic and we had to move down there semi -permanently until the project was done. And, of course, we could have stayed in Canada, but the choice was, you know, we wanted to see it through. So we moved down there, packed up our cats and started to live our life away from home on an Island for essentially a little over a year.

Speaker 2: 4:34

And when we were down there, there was a lot of trials and tribulations. Some things came up. Um, it was difficult, of course, for all of us in that time, add in, like being in a foreign place, and they had rules very different than us and we weren't really allowed to leave the house and all of these things that made it really, really hard. But what I learned was, when I was down there, I just kept like feeling less and less like myself every time, even though I was at my fittest, healthiest, because all I had time to do was work out. And so I felt physically really fit, but mentally like no confidence at all. I had no friends. I didn't have my driver's license, didn't have a car down there because, well, they drive it up sides roads and all of these things. I didn't really have access to my money. As someone who had always been an independent person, I didn't have these things that I always like, like, kept as like a piece of me, my independence and who I am as a woman, and I didn't want to be Glenn's wife and like, I am Glenn's wife, he's great, I love him, but I didn't want to be known for only that and it really started to become that my identity and everything I thought that was mine wasn't mine anymore and I just really started to lose myself and I thought, when I get back home to Canada, everything's gonna be great, like it's going to be perfect. My car, you know, my businesses, everything's gonna be so great, my friends it's going to be perfect.

Speaker 2: 5:50

And I got back home and it wasn't perfect and I started to learn that it wasn't Barbados that was the issue, it was me. There was things in me that I needed to work through in order to find that confidence again, and so I started a project called the year of confidence and I worked through myself every single month for a year to just start to figure out who I was, figure out what I wanted, figure out all these things, and I decided to do it publicly on a podcast. It's like let's just bring the world along for a ride. And it's turned into this beautiful business of supporting women, because I learned I wasn't alone and so many of us needed this.

Speaker 2: 6:24

But, like you said too, it's like we think it's going to be an action that we arrive to, but it isn't until you start to do the work and the inner work on yourself. And even at like the end of the year mark, I ran a race and I was like woohoo cross the finish line. This is so amazing, I'm the coolest. And I still realized even at that point, at putting in the work for a year, I wasn't where I thought I would be. We always think it's like just on the other side of that finish line. But confidence isn't until we can really start to get clear on who we are and what we want on the inside.

Speaker 1: 6:53

Yeah, oh, there's so much I could like dive into and you know I'll try to kind of take some pieces from this. But I love this idea of the year of confidence, so can you tell us what you did in that process, Because I'm thinking that there's somebody out there and maybe maybe myself included, um, who wants to understand what that is, so that maybe they can implement something like that for themselves.

Speaker 2: 7:14

Yeah, I think we everybody always asks this question Like what was it? What did you do? Give me a detailed list. Like I can do this too, like if I can turn out and get to where you are, then perfect, check the boxes. But it's not really the case. We all are very unique and very different.

Speaker 2: 7:31

But what I did was I focused on some of those things that I really needed. I needed to move my body in a way that felt good I was coming out of again, like I said, really healthy physically down there, but also in that trap of diet culture, and trying to break three of that was a big one for me. So, learning how to move my body in a way that felt good for me and wasn't just for the sake of my business, like it was for the sake of like what I wanted focusing on meditation, getting really clear in my head, getting to know myself, asking myself deep questions, and then I would also do things every month, like based on what I needed. It would change. It was like a year of a lot of flexibility and a lot of flow. So sometimes I would cut out alcohol for like a hundred days. See how far I could go with no alcohol. I've learned I don't really like alcohol that much anymore, so I only really have it just like here and there as a little bit, trying different things, like saying yes to some things like Shonda Rhimes books, the year of yes. Like saying yes to things that I did not want to say yes to, like networking events or speaking on certain stages or putting myself out there or putting things out on the podcast, or even speaking up and using my voice when I'd be scared to.

Speaker 2: 8:32

It was just about challenging what confidence was and what I wanted to see in myself and bring that to life. So it was really just a year of getting to know myself, bring that to life. So it was really just a year of getting to know myself, and I could give you a detailed list. But the best thing I learned out of it was giving yourself that flexibility and that flow.

Speaker 2: 8:50

For some people and maybe yourself included, valerie, who you're like I like to do things this way. Give me a like, a like a plan, check the boxes Like it's going to be the perfect plan and if I mess it up I'm throwing the towel. I'm not doing it, but for me, like I needed more flow and more space, cause, in that season two, we bought this house and we renovated it from top to bottom, but at some points I didn't even have a gym in my house anymore, like I couldn't, you know, do what I thought I was going to do. So I had to allow myself that flexibility and that flow so that I could have more confidence in all seasons, in all areas of my life, and it not being based on whether I did enough or I didn't do enough.

Speaker 1: 9:27

Yeah, I like so much of what you're saying resonates and I just keep thinking of. The things that you actually were doing were, like you said, holding up that mirror to yourself and saying what do I really need? It wasn't because sometimes I think we have this vision that confidence means you're going to have different clothes, you're going to look a certain way, you're going to be speaking on stages, you're going to be doing these external things that are then going to bring you confidence, and I think you're talking about doing the opposite, which is like forget the external things. What do I need inside? So I am curious what do you define confidence now as? Because I feel like it probably was a different definition than it was even for you, like a year or so ago.

Speaker 2: 10:12

Definitely it is now just knowing who you are and being able to be that in all rooms, in all spaces, with all people, and not having to shapeshift or to change who you are because of someone else's reality of you. Someone else is like your mom thinks you're this way, your partner thinks you're this way, so you might as well just be that way.

Speaker 2: 10:35

But, the truth is knowing who you are and being able to be that all the time is the number one way of confidence. And that's not the case for me all the time. There's still people who I don't feel safe to show that in. But even if it's like 80% of the time, even 50% of the time, you know the people who you can show your true colors, to be around those people more, because we all know there's situations and places that we just don't feel safe to show our truth. So just try to like not go there and focus on the people, focus on the places that we feel safe to do that, and the more you can just step into your light and share that like that's confidence.

Speaker 1: 11:12

Yeah, I mean, that's one of the very first things I mentioned to you when we like started talking is that you just automatically like show up as you are, and something that you said I was just like talking to a group of women yesterday about which is it actually takes more energy, and we all can probably feel this it takes more energy to suppress yourself, like to suppress the light, than it does to shine it, and I think that's something that you're kind of referring to here.

Speaker 1: 11:38

But I think it's tricky, it's hard, it's hard to like, there's a lot to do before we're able to really fully do that, and I think that's the thing that is sometimes tripping people up is the fact that this is a process Like it's. You have to enjoy the journey, I think, more than what we talk about, and so how do you help people enjoy that? Because I think it's not. It's not always enjoyable, honestly Like it's. It's rough, right, like, and so it's it's kind of redefining for ourselves, like this is going to be a long road maybe, and that's okay. So how do you, how do you work with women on that?

Speaker 2: 12:15

Oh that's a really great question because I think we're still figuring it out all the time. Right, and once you get clear on who you are and having safe spaces to practice that and bringing it into more and more, it's like even, just like you said earlier, you felt safe with me. Yeah, you could like totally be yourself and I feel that in a lot of these rooms, these personal development rooms that we get to be, and I feel like I can take 100 percent be myself there, which is a little loud, a little crazy, a little weird, and it's not always like that. I'm an introvert at home, but starting to learn these things about yourself is really helpful. So what I do with a lot of people, it's getting clear on who you are. Who are you when you take everything else away, when you're like alone and naked in your room, like who are you? And it doesn't have to do with your physical body at all, but just getting clear on those pieces. And then, once we start to get that figured out, okay, well, who do you want to be? Because you kind of know, like, even if exactly where you are right now isn't where you want to be, like you know there's something different and that doesn't mean you have to change anything. It's just about you figuring those pieces out about yourself that are going to take you two steps to get to that version of you, that higher self that we see and we put on a pedestal. But like you are her, like sometimes it's just bringing that out in women a little bit more and so creating safe spaces for them to practice. That is the biggest thing that I think I've ever did.

Speaker 2: 13:32

I used to think that that wasn't enough in coaching. I'm like it's not enough, like I'm not doing enough, like if only all women could, could see their beauty and could see their light. And I feel emotionally as I talk about it because I wish all women could feel that Sometimes they only feel that in a time like this, when we get to hang out and sit down, they don't have that safe space. So starting to give them places where they can figure out who they are and then slowly bring that into the rest of the world where I'm not going to be and where they might not feel safe yet, it's kind of like that process of stepping into confidence a little bit more, stepping into your bright light.

Speaker 2: 14:06

And even just recently I had a client and a client most of my clients become very good friends of mine and she was picking out a dress to go to a wedding and she sent me pictures and she's like this is the one my husband likes, this is the one my mom likes and this is the one I like. And she ended up deciding to wear the dress that she liked, even though her family was like no, it's not the one, get the other one. You look better in these. And just knowing that I helped someone feel like they could make their choice, use their voice, speak up and say what they want. Like, actually, I like this one better and this is why I'm going to wear it and I feel really good in it.

Speaker 2: 14:40

Like, that is the coolest thing, because for most women, we'd be like oh well, my partner likes this one, so I'll wear that one. Well, my partner wants sushi, so we'll eat sushi. Right, my kids, like you know, vanilla birthday cake. I like chocolate, but you know what? I'm just going to make? What they want, because that's what they want. Like, stop sacrificing what you want and actually step into voicing, because we want you to have a beautiful life too. Like, it's not about all of these other people and I think by helping women see that they have a choice to helping women see that they're allowed to enjoy things too is just like the best thing ever, and then watching them do it is like even cooler. When I got that message I was like good for you, because I think so many of us can afford, because it's easier and it's safer, you know, and also I think sometimes we don't realize we're even doing it.

Speaker 2: 15:29

A hundred percent.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Yeah, you know, we've adopted these narratives and we just kind of layer them on top of you know each other and before we even realize it, now we're somebody totally different. And I think the work that you're doing is you're trying to help people before it even becomes like a thing where they're just so burned out on life or they just don't even know who the hell they are anymore. And I think you know that's happened to me before where I've actually been like what do I even like? Right, like what do I even enjoy, I mean, and that was honestly probably some of the bedrock that helped me then start to figure it out and start to live like a fuller life. But it is challenging.

Speaker 1: 16:09

And something else that you mentioned is like the practicing piece. Like you have to kind of practice doing these small things, like yes, maybe this example sounds like, oh, that's small, she chose to wear a dress, she liked, okay, whatever. It's actually like helping your subconscious mind, right, like doesn't it help? Like program some of that thinking even when we make those small choices? Um, I would I would venture to guess like that's like the whole idea here.

Speaker 2: 16:34

The small choices are the big choices, though. It's like everything in those little, like day-to-day things, like picking a dress and wearing a dress that you like, or voicing up and saying that you want Thai food, or being able to wear whatever you want at home or not wear whatever you want if you want to be totally naked, or being able to, like you know, initiate things with your partner, or whatever Like. These small things that are so small are actually like the biggest confidence boosters of all. All are actually like the biggest confidence boosters of all, like imagine if you went every day, you know, tiptoeing around sharing with your partner the truth, right, even if it's as simple as wearing something that you like or you know what you like in the bedroom. Like those are huge. They contribute to a huge piece of your life. So these like little things are like the big things.

Speaker 1: 17:20

Right, that's so true. That's such a good reminder actually, Like even just doing something that we deem to be small is actually pretty significant in our, in our life. Something else I wanted to ask you that just like popped in my mind as we've been talking is do you think a lot of this comes back to worth and helping women find their worth and their enoughness in this world?

Speaker 2: 17:42

Yeah, oh, I even feel emotional as I think about it, because I wish, I just I wish we all knew it, Like you're so beautiful and you're so worthy. But I do think women in particular and maybe this is also like a patriarchal thing of like this is how it's been for so long We've been told. I just saw like a thing the other day that yesterday was 50 years since women have been allowed to get a credit card by themselves. 50 years like that's not that long, Like that means in our parents' lifetime, like that's wild. And so I think it's just a part of a society thing that women haven't been given the opportunity to feel valuable, to feel worthy, to be worthy right, Because we've just never been given the opportunities to. It's changing and as it does. It's just taking a lot more time, I think, for us, because our whole lives have been told that we're second fiddle, we are not number one. In our households, in our families, in our lives, it's always man first.

Speaker 1: 18:39

And.

Speaker 2: 18:39

I do think that that has something to do with it. Even for the most confident woman in the world who's listening to this and like, yeah, f the patriarchy, screw this like major feminist, which you know, I am a feminist, but I do think it's taking a lot of unlearning, like even that being like our parents' lifetime, like that is the craziest thing to think about that only 50 years ago you could get a credit card. So I do think there's still this like shift of power that's making it hard for us to feel worthy and that's why it's taking us like double the time and double the effort to, you know, feel valuable and to feel worthy. It's because it's so new for women.

Speaker 1: 19:18

Yeah, yeah, no, that's I. I was thinking that just the other day somebody mentioned the same thing, like it's only been 50 years since women have been able to have credit cards, and I was like that is just insane to me. Partially I'm so proud of us because look at how far we're coming. Partially I'm so pissed off because I'm like how can that be? Like, how is that actually something that our parents were actually navigating? So, um, I think it's interesting to look back and see where all of this kind of comes from. I'm curious for you have there been really good role models? Do you have strong, confident women in your life, or who was it that's kind of placed this fire inside of your gut to do this work?

Speaker 2: 20:00

Whoa, I don't know. My mom is a pretty independent woman entrepreneur also, so she definitely has some spunk and she definitely has some fire. We do things very differently though, but she definitely has some fire in there. My grandparents, my grandmothers in particular they were quite like fiery as well, but I was always the quiet, shy kid.

Speaker 2: 20:20

So even the fact that you say that whoever has this like where'd you get your fire? And I'm like I have fire, it's just. I truly do believe I'm living out my purpose and this is just who my soul is and what it was meant to become. But I was shy for a very long time and I almost settled very closely to getting married to someone who wouldn't have brought this fire out in me at all. Praise the Lord, he broke up with me, Thank goodness, but I think that also having a supportive partner who has just allowed me to be myself has also brought this here. He has always given me that safe place to just like be me and has never been judgmental of it, which is really cool, because previous partners had been.

Speaker 2: 21:02

And so I think I just got really lucky with my circumstances and I know they all fell into place for me to become this version of myself. That is impacting women the way that I am, but I don't know if it's one particular person. I think it's like collectively, women as a whole, like they're so freaking cool and I'm just like always amazed at what women are doing. And even you like starting a podcast and doing this and bringing light to women. It's just like they're so cool. Like how are we so cool and why have we been hidden for so long?

Speaker 2: 21:34

Like I actually do know why they didn't want us to shine our coolness out there. But like it's, just so beautiful to see, so I think it's like the women collective as light that reminded me, of mine.

Speaker 1: 22:06

And in times where it was, you know, pretty dark and I kind of forgot that I even had the fire. You know you mentioned the fire. Like I feel like we all have this fire Also I'm an Aries, so whatever but I talk about fire a lot but I just feel like, you know, it's somebody else kind of like having the confidence, but I think it's also the courage to share who they are, because it's a courageous act, I believe to be seen Um and that's. I think they go hand in hand. Uh, I don't think it's like, again, I don't think you arrive at this confidence thing without having some courage, without having a buttload of fear and just kind of walking into it anyway.

Speaker 1: 22:44

And I feel like that's something I'm sure that you see with other women that you work with. So I'm wondering also do you see some themes from people that you've worked with? What are some of the top things that women come to you and they're like, oh, I'm struggling here. I know it's like obviously they want to work with you on their confidence, but are there like issues underneath that that feel like they're more present?

Speaker 2: 23:09

Most women don't know who they are. Ooh like they don't know who they are and I feel really emotional as I talk about it because they, yeah, you can see it, right, Like you can see me and I can see you, but the inside, they don't know who they are. We're moms, we're daughters, we're friends, we're sisters, we're you know, nurses, teachers, podcasters, right Like. We have titles, but that isn't who you are, and I think that people are starting to learn that they don't know who they are. When you ask like, hey, what do you like to do for fun? Or what do you do in your spare time, For most of us it's like I work, I make dinner, I watch some Netflix and I go to bed all these things and I'm like, oh, that's really cool that you can do those things.

Speaker 2: 24:08

I really have never been a person who had hobbies, or had never been a person who really enjoyed free time. Every hobby I ever had became a business. And again, I learned that from my parents, who are successful entrepreneurs. But I think that's the biggest thing is that most women don't know who they are, and it's a tough reality to let that sink in that you know your partners and you know your kids and you know your best friend better than you know yourself.

Speaker 2: 24:31

I often think like if it was, you know, your partner's birthday tomorrow, you could probably plan all the details. I know what cake I can make, I know where we're going to go out to dinner, I know what activities we would do. I know all the things because I know my partner like the back of my hand. But if it was my birthday tomorrow, what would I want to do? And we often are just like, oh, I don't matter, don't you worry about me, you know I don't need anything special, but like you do and it better be something that you want. So I got to figure that out. How would you want to celebrate your birthday?

Speaker 1: 25:03

Yeah, oh, to figure that out. Like what, how would you want to celebrate your birthday? Yeah, oh, my gosh, that's so pertinent because I just had we just had our birthdays in this house. My birthday was recently and his was a week before that and so he ended up taking like days off and he's like, yeah, you should always take time off on your birthday. And I did not. I did not do that and I just glossed over it and I have forever kind of just done that and I realized this year I said to myself I'm not doing that again next year, I'm taking it off, I'm going to plan a day for myself, I'm going to make it. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but I'm going to make it a day about, about what I want to do that day, and so that's uncomfortable, that's not like something that is second nature to me. But um, what if?

Speaker 1: 25:42

we did a redo though.

Speaker 2: 25:48

It was only like a week ago, Like why can't we have a redo like next week?

Speaker 1: 25:55

Say it.

Speaker 2: 25:55

I love this idea, I know I like need to pick an open weekend and just say, okay, this is the day or maybe just what we're celebrating.

Speaker 1: 25:59

Yeah, yeah, I love that. Actually, you know what, jess? I'm challenge accepted, I'm going to find a random weekday and take a day off and do the Valerie day.

Speaker 2: 26:08

And that's what's going to happen. Yeah, I'm going to do that.

Speaker 1: 26:11

I love that, okay, I have kind of a I don't know. I feel like this could be a really deep question, but I feel like I have to ask it who is Jess?

Speaker 2: 26:29

it? Who is Jess? Ooh, good question, I am. Who is Jess? Because it's easy to often go into those titles, right, like, as soon as I said it, I was going to say like, oh, I have pets. Like I have, you know, all of these things, these external things too. But like I'm just someone who loves to be in the woods, like I want to just touch trees and put my feet in the grass and I always feel like a weirdo when I say that. But like it's just like I really do think that Jess is. Like my soul is connected to nature for some reason and I like to talk to animals. So that sounds super weird. But like, when you go outside and you like see a squirrel, you're going to say like hi, mr Squirrel, right, Everybody does that right.

Speaker 1: 27:11

I mean, I can't say I talk to animals in the same way, but I do have some sort of level of like, acknowledgement and I love them too. But what I'm sensing is like this energy exchange, you know, yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:19

There's always an energy exchange with nature. It is like the place that I feel the safest, and I'm just a person who, and like, truly, I've put my whole heart into my business. I will say and that is something that I also didn't want to do, because I've watched my parents do it so I love that I have my whole heart in my business, and recently I talked to you about this too, when we were chatting about cutting my hours back a bit more and having a better balance so that I could figure out who Jess is Like. What does Jess like to do?

Speaker 2: 27:48

I love to read, I love to sit in the sun and just read a book and make time for those things, and I also am a bit of a sloth. I'm a projector in the human design world, so things are a little slower. You wouldn't believe it if you met me in real life and saw me at an event. You probably wouldn't think that I'm a sloth. But outside of those spaces it takes me a longer time to heal and to bring things back. So, like, I just take a lot of things really slow and spacious, and I really enjoy being alone.

Speaker 2: 28:18

And I do have two cats and a dog, who are pretty great too, and having a dog has been really beautiful. I got her in Barbados. She's my souvenir, but having her was really special because it got me to get outside, like it got me to get in the woods. Something that I thought was going to hold me back in so many ways brought me into the light a bit more and I've just been learning that to have open doors with a lot more things in my life, and so I'm stepping into seasons where, like, doors are open and opportunities are changing and that's like really cool too. But yeah, jess is just like a nature lover who talks to animals. She has a big heart and really is just like. My work is important and I'm I'm really really glad every day. I'm so grateful that this is who I am and this is what I get to do, because it's just the coolest thing to see women shining like the coolest thing.

Speaker 1: 29:10

Yeah, yeah, I agree and I can just feel that through this conversation, like you, can just so deeply sense that connection for you. I'm just like envisioning you naked in Barbados, like swimming with turtles, like oh my gosh, I love my turtle friends.

Speaker 2: 29:27

I cannot wait to go and see my turtle friends. I'm so excited I have a rock in my backyard too. So like we live like a little bit outside the city and I have this like giant rock in my backyard, I like to sit on my rock.

Speaker 1: 29:41

It's so good though I, I totally understand Like there's something different when you are in that nature setting and I think that's a little bit different for everybody of like how they feel that connection, but it's so sacred, like, so I I completely resonate. At the same time, I'm like seeing this like vision of you. Okay, that sounds creepy.

Speaker 2: 30:00

I'm not creepy, See. I also think if we could just like not sexualize people as much, it wouldn't be creepy. You'd be like, yeah, I can see you naked, and then I'd be like cool.

Speaker 1: 30:09

Totally. Yeah, Like in the forest, like kind of like um, what am I trying to think? Snow white, Like I'm feeling like some snow white vibes talking to animals Like yeah, it's funny Cause the other day I was like we have woods in our backyard and I was.

Speaker 2: 30:20

I was trying to meditate in the woods, but as much as I do like talking to the squirrels, they also do scare me, cause I'm like what are you going to do? Like I don't totally trust you.

Speaker 1: 30:29

So I heard one like chirping yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:31

So I was like I gotta go, I gotta get out of here, Get me out of the woods. So, like I, they're friendly. But do you don't want to be? Do you want to be too friendly with the squirrels? I don't think so.

Speaker 1: 30:40

I feel like, uh, the squirrel is now are, like I don't know, mascot for this conversation.

Speaker 2: 30:47

I was just on a podcast the other day and they did ask me like what's your spirit animal? I was like I don't know. I don't know Squirrel yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:55

Now, maybe it's just going to be it. We used to have a term in the recruiting world of like finding a purple squirrel, which is kind of like finding a unicorn. So there was at some point a purple stuffed squirrel going around the office.

Speaker 2: 31:09

And I feel like maybe you need that in your office, but anyways, that's a conversation for another time I wouldn't be mad at that.

Speaker 1: 31:15

I like it, yeah. So okay, tell me what is kind of like what's next for you. What do you have on the horizon right now? Kind of what are the things like, what are ways people can work with you? They're going to be just lit up from this conversation. So, yeah, what do you have coming up next?

Speaker 2: 31:29

Well, I have a couple of big have coming up. Next, well, I have a couple big things coming up like. This is a big year of expansion, which is why I think I need so much rest time. I've been like trying to to balance the both, because we're getting ready next week to go to barbados my first time going back since living there which is wild feelings and things are coming up as we get ready to go back, but I know it is just going to be like the most beautiful and healing experience. So my husband and I are going to vacation for a week, see all the people we want to see, and then eight women are coming down to meet me down there for my first international retreat. So it's going to be like my first time doing a full week retreat in Barbados and a private villa. So that is like the most exciting thing, like very soon on the horizon that's coming up. And then also your first one internationally.

Speaker 1: 32:12

that's big.

Speaker 2: 32:14

Oh my God, I've only ever done like retreats at home and it'd be like a weekend, and I don't mean home, like in my house, cause that'd be weird, but like in Nova Scotia. So that's where I'm from, nova Scotia, and so, uh, yeah, they've just been like weekend long things here, but I like that it's going to be a week, cause there's going to be a lot of like space.

Speaker 2: 32:32

It's like we're going to be healing and we're going to be working on things, but there's also a lot of space, and that's really cool too.

Speaker 1: 32:37

Yes, I love that. I've been to retreats where sometimes it feels like I'm still working because it's so packed with stuff and I just feel like that integration is so essential to actually like embodying and taking the lessons learned back. So I love that anyway.

Speaker 2: 32:52

And then also in October, I'm having my first big live event with 200 women here in Nova Scotia, which is like really exciting, uh, great speaker lineup. It's called speak up and it's all about embodying your confidence, using your voice, stepping into your power, um, unleashing like what's within you that needs to come up to use your freaking voice, and so I'm really, really excited about that. I am so excited.

Speaker 1: 33:19

I don't know that I realized this like your first like speaking event. I mean I think I've seen like little things and I thought maybe you were speaking at something. I didn't realize what it was.

Speaker 2: 33:28

I do like smaller things, like 20 people, but this will be like 200 VIP night on a cocktail cruise and then the full day event the next day. You should probably come to Canada.

Speaker 1: 33:39

Yeah, okay, so where can we find out more about that and whatever other you know, services and offerings you have?

Speaker 2: 33:46

Yeah, so you can head on over to my website, just clerkcom. You can follow me on Instagram at justclerk. Uh, you can check out my podcast, selfish confidence and all of those places would be able to have you know where you can work with me one-on-one, where you can have the selfish sisterhood which Valerie talked about the beginning, a community for you to practice using your voice in a place that's safe, totally digital, all online. We do things like sys chats and biz chats and different workshops. We have a tapping workshop next month, like all of these things that are like really, really special for you to just learn how to have more confidence. But you can find it all out on my website or on my social media.

Speaker 1: 34:22

I love it. I you have some amazing things coming up this year, so I I can't wait, like I am maybe need to really get to that event because it's I love the theme. By the way, I mean, if you, you know me like I love amplifying women's voices, so I love that. That's the focus and I think it's just going to be so impactful and how amazing for you to like host this, host this big event. I want to know really quickly cause I didn't get a chance to ask you but super, just kind of like high level from your time, kind of dialing back your hours and simplifying your work schedule what are a couple of tricks that people can implement now, because I know that's something that people are going to be like wait, what is she doing? And it's something I selfishly want to know about too.

Speaker 2: 35:06

Okay, Well, I'm trying. It is not perfect.

Speaker 2: 35:09

I have a notepad on my desk over there that every day I'm writing down, like when I'm sitting down at my desk and when I'm getting up from my desk, so I'm actually tracking it instead of it just being like in my head, me thinking sometimes that I'm not working more, but really I'm like working all the time because I am someone who just does. I tend to work a lot, but my goal right now is to build a really successful business in 12 to 15 hours a week. That's the dream. That's what we're working on. I don't know if we're going to hit that this week or what's going to be happening, but I'm focusing on it more and more and I think the number one thing is just to be aware of how much you're working.

Speaker 2: 35:41

For a lot of us, we have our phones and our laptops on us all the time, so it feels like you're working 24-7. That's what it was feeling like for me a few weeks ago and I was just like I can't live like this, like I can't keep doing this. You know I have a vision for a life and it's not someone who's working 24 seven. Of course, some seasons are going to be more, I know that, and some are going to be less, but I'm trying to find that balance in business that can work in like a shorter span of time.

Speaker 2: 36:06

What I've noticed is, when I'm sitting at my desk and I put it down that I'm working, I'm working Like I'm not also grocery shopping, I'm not also shopping online, I'm not also, you know, checking out Facebook marketplace to see what's going on, like I'm not looking at other things, and if I am, I snap back really quickly. I am focused, work for three to four hours and and that might take, like obviously, some breaks to make some tea or to do what I have to do or go to the bathroom, obviously. But it's just about being focused for that time, because I think what, especially for me as a projector, what we can get done in an eight-hour day, you can get done in three to four if you're focused. The issue right now is that we're so distracted, so just trying to bring it back in, bring it back to the basics, and also closing or turning off my laptop is probably the hardest one, because I'm like, oh well, I can come back to that later, but like, just turn off your laptop, it can wait till tomorrow, like nothing is really that important.

Speaker 2: 36:56

So I would say track the time that you're doing, because you're probably working more than you even realize, even if you say, oh, I work 40 hours a week. Well, yeah, there's a good chance. There's a good chance you're either working 40 hours a week and you're not actually working, or you're working, you know, 60 hours a week and you don't realize, because you're also on the phone scrolling and you're working at night and you're, you know, staying late here and there. So it's just like getting clear on what that time is and then also like what is the goal? Like what do you want? Do you want that balance? And I've actually found you're going to get me fired up now. I've actually found the hardest part isn't necessarily the work part, it's the off time. So what am I going to do with all this free time? What does Jess want to do, as someone who said they don't really have hobbies, so what?

Speaker 1: 37:44

do, you do.

Speaker 2: 37:44

That's kind of the piece. It's like closing the laptops one thing but filling up your time, and not it being just scrolling on social media because you don't know who you are. It's like a whole other challenge to fill this time with things that are lighting my soul up and giving me space to feel good again, and I think that that's been like the more challenging piece than working Totally. I can work.

Speaker 1: 38:05

The problem is the free time. That's my challenge too. Like you're speaking right to my soul, because I am very scattered and I'm very like restless is one of my top saboteurs, so I like to be very. Multitasking is what I've prided myself on. Turns out, that's not always the best. So I love this idea of like tracking, having the focus time so good and also defining, like, what is your ideal schedule and what are you going to do in the downtime? Like I think that's also critical to this whole thing.

Speaker 2: 38:29

It's almost like, yeah, making that plan for the like we can make a plan for our workday to-do list, but also make a plan for your fun time to-do list. Yes, so that you know, oh, I have free time. Okay, I could grab my knitting needles or I could grab my book, like, because sometimes we just instantly grab our phone.

Speaker 1: 38:45

Yes, yes, and then off and running. There you go and now you feel scattered. It's the whole thing.

Speaker 2: 38:48

You're trapped.

Speaker 1: 38:51

I love this. This has been such a good conversation. Okay, so I am doing something where, at the end of every conversation with my guests, um, I'm asking them to share like one piece of advice, whether it's like a quote or just something that's hitting them recently, um, for whoever the next guest is coming on, not knowing who that's going to be. So the person, um, who I interviewed before you shared something and she said if it's very short, but I think it's powerful. She said, if it's not this, it's something better, and I love that, and, for whatever reason, that just like came up to her immediately when I asked this question, and so it's so interesting. When I asked this, I feel like, for whatever reason, it just hits people in the right way at the right time, and so I love that. So, if it's not this, it's something better, whatever that means for you. And I'm going to ask you the same question, not knowing who I'm going to be interviewing next. What little piece of advice would you like to give her?

Speaker 2: 39:48

I would just want to tell her that she is spectacular, like she is the brightest light I've ever seen in this whole freaking world, and she deserves to know that that is I.

Speaker 1: 40:02

I love that. That. Like hit me I. I always need to hear these two, so it's it's really fun. I didn't realize this is going to be such a good two-way street, but whenever I ask somebody these that question, I'm always like, oh, I that I needed to hear that it's so special that you're doing that for women.

Speaker 2: 40:18

Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1: 40:19

Yeah, it's a fun idea. I kind of stole from another podcast and twisted it, put my own twist on it and I was like I want to have some way that we're kind of carrying this conversation forward. So thank you for being part of this, thank you for being a woman on top. Truly, when I think about the name of this podcast, the goal and the mission you're embodying, all of that, I just feel so much of your authentic leadership in this world and it's so pivotal and you're making more of a difference than you even realize to people that you don't even directly come in contact with. So I just want to share that with you and I just feel like you're very, very special and I think you're doing really heart-led work. So thank you for that.

Speaker 2: 40:57

Thank you so much. I love you. I love you so much. Thanks for letting me be here. I love you too.

Speaker 1: 41:02

Oh, my goodness, thank you for tuning into the show today and before you go, I just have one quick favor to ask of you. There is a really simple way that you can help support me and help support the show, and that is to hit that follow button on whatever app you're listening to the show on. I'm trying really hard to level up the content and deliver unique value and amazing guests, and just hitting that follow button is the magic that will help continue to empower that and remember that the world deserves to hear your voice and your stories and you deserve a place at the top.